THE DAILY PLANET
THE HARLEY CHOPPERS
DVD 57- WITH DVD 58 FOR FREE!!
By Jimmy Olson, PLANET Staff Reporter
One of the most vile crime waves in this City's history came to an end last evening, as the infamous "Harley Choppers" gang was apprehended. Thanks to the combined work of Superman, the Metropolis Police, and just plain good luck, the Harley Choppers have been placed behind bars.
"The Gang's ignominious conclusion was brought about by their own selfishness," said Police Commissioner Samuel Gordon. "Their lust for power over women and a desire to try and commit the 'perfect crime' ended as most crimes do they too, now join the annals of criminals who will forever prove that 'crime doesn't pay."
HOW IT BROKE
Informants had been working for the Police since the beginning, of this case, and other information was being collected by any means necessary. Ultimately, though it was Superman himself who was able to break this incredible case.
The gang-who are they?
The three members, all Metropolis natives, have been identified as:
William "Bill" Loney, 35, an unemployed Bright-o Salesman, also known as the ring leader "Beard-o." He has no criminal record and has lead a relatively quiet life. Neighbors, interviewed by the PLANET staff, described him as "poor salesman, due to his quiet and subdued nature."
Pietro "PEP" E. Roni, 31, a parking lot concession owner, and also known as "Rip." Roni was uniquely suited for membership in this gang, as he had keys to buildings, parking lots, and the like, and was able to access many of the places the gang stuck during their duration. He has an arrest record for minor theft offenses and unlicensed driving of a motor vehicle.
The least known accomplice has been identified as Sheila Shells, 33, an unemployed hairdresser. She has no criminal record. How she became involved with the two men remains a mystery but it has been theorized that she was there for monetary gain, and to supply the two men with technical haircutting skill.
Although Roni's Uncle had been a barber, and Roni possessed some knowledge of haircutting, Shells was necessary to provide "finishing touches" skills. Those "finishing touches were NOT necessary with their latest victim, though.
Why did they do it? Seems to be the one question that keeps coming up. Detective Sergeant O"Hara simply said: "They liked women with short hair. There isn't an explanation more comprehensive.. Interrogations with each of the suspects have been unable to determine any reason beyond that."
HIGH RISE RESCUE!
Following Lois Lane's kidnapping last week, all the stops were pulled. Barbershops, beauty salons, and beauty supply stores were staked out, customers and stylists questioned, sales representatives shown mug shots.
Finally, the break came. A parking lot attendant, employed by Roni, became suspicious of his boss when the attendant (name withheld by Police) found several large bottles of chloroform and three boxes of cotton padding stuffed into a partially open duffel bag in the locker room of their office building.
Fingerprinting identified the bottles as having been handled by Roni, and chemical supply companies were shown mugshots of Roni. He was identified as having purchased the chloroform just two weeks ago.
Reporter Clark Kent learned of these facts in a private conversation with Detective Nazium, and old friend of Kent's. Kent put these facts together and told Superman.
It was Superman who began his OWN investigation, culminating in his locating the suspects and apprehending them. This amazing rendering of how the apprehension occurred comes directly from the PLANET"s own Clark Kent.
"Superman has saved the day! While conducting aerial surveillance over the downtown Metropolis area, he was able to see very little, if any activity going on on the rooftops and penthouse balconies. But the DVDs that had been sent to the police, showing these haircuts being given to the victims, gave rise to the possibility of the victims being taken to rooftops somewhere in Downtown Metropolis. He continued flying above the City until he found what looked very suspicious on Saturday night at about 8:00 PM. Regrettably, he was too late to save Lois Lane's beautiful hair from being vut by the gang.
The gang had held onto Lois Lane until Saturday before finally reaching the end of their proverbial rope. They removed Ms. Lane to the roof of the Stillman Building, some 45 floors above the City surface. There, she was tied into a chair, and repeatedly told: "It won't be long, now, you loudmouth! Superman can't help you now. We want that million bucks delivered or it's curtains for these curls!"
The gang's main cutter, Roni, took up his feared instruments of tonsorial destruction and began using them; he began cutting off Lois' beautiful dark hair.
While it rained hair on the roof, Superman was flying overhead, alas too late.
By the time he spotted the three suspects and Ms. Lane on the roof of the building, her hair had been shorn to chin length. The gang was about to clip off all of Lois' hair with clippers when Superman arrived.
Upon landing, on the building, the two Males began a bold attempt to fend off a vengeful Superman. Both suspects attempted to shoot Superman repeatedly using Uzi submachine guns. However, the bullets were ineffective against him, and ricochets fell harmlessly to the roof. Clubs, knives, and fist-to-cuffs proved even less effective, and Superman was able to subdue the two roughians with great alacrity.
The female suspect, Shells, had fled the area almost immediately, but was apprehended shortly thereafter.
She would not discuss what occurred following the arrest of the suspect. Superman told me, however, in confidence, that Ms. Lane's hair was "evened out" so as to look more acceptable.
One final end
"Anyone thinking of trying this sort of thing in the future," Warned Sergeant O"Hara, "Should think twice. We have the resources and we have the tools to deal with this sort of thing. You too will be caught."
O'Hara's warning seems well founded. The three suspects, now parked behind bars, can attest to the old adage of "A little of the hair of the dog that bit them ."
STORY SUMMARY- HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE PLANET'S COVERAGE OF THE "HARLEY CHOPPERS" CASE:
LOIS LANE DISAPPEARS
POLICE FEAR VICTIM OF "HARLEY CHOPPERS"
By Jimmy Olson, PLANET Staff Reporter
Amidst mystery, concern, and dread, the PLANET has learned our own Lois Lane has disappeared, most certainly the latest victim of the dreaded Harley Choppers Gang..
The Metropolis Police have refused to comment on this latest disappearance, but the PLANET has learned, through reliable informants, that Lois was last seen being escorted into a large Van or Panel Truck last evening from the parking lot of the PLANET building.
Witnesses have told both the Metropolis Police and this reporter that Lois Lane was leaving the PLANET's Office Suites last evening at approximately 8:00 PM.. Lois was confronted by two disheveled (and Levi's Vest Clad) men who made a statement to the effect: "Hey, ain't you that big mouth reporter who thinks Superman's her boyfriend?"
Lois was then seen being put into the back of a large, Brown colored vehicle, which sped away onto Alexandria Boulevard.
Police have not indicated whether or not the M.O. is the same as the five abductions previously reported.
Metropolis Detective Sergeant Patrick O'Hara simply told the PLANET: "It's under investigation at this time, and we're treating these reports as legitimate. We believe Ms. Lane has been taken by what appears to be foul play, but we would be speculating if we were to comment further."
The PLANET received at 8:00 this morning a demand note in the form of a DVDcassette tape.
The tape shows a woman, believed to be Lois Lane. The narration to this tape on it's audio portion has been electronically altered, and stated: "If you want to see Lois Lane again, we want One Million Dollars and Superman's Cape You have 24 hours to comply"
The implication is that Lois is being held captive, and that the Harley Choppers have, indeed, struck again.
Superman, advised of this latest development by Clark Kent of the PLANET Staff had "No Comment."
Superman, appearing concerned, angered, and focused, left the PLANET Offices shortly after 11:00 am today.
Detective-Sergeant Jim Nazium, who has been heading up this investigation from the beginning, arrived at the PLANET shortly after Supermen. He demanded the DVDtape be turned over to him as evidence, and the PLANET complied.
When asked what he thought about the tape, and its meaning, Nazium too, had "NO Comment."
Detective Nazium did say "We have informants working on this case, three additional teams of Detectives from the State Police, and Superman to help us. We'll get these Choppers "
PLEA TO THE GANG
The Daily PLANET implores the Harley Choppers to be patient. Negotiations are in process with management. PLEASE don't harm Lois or her beautiful dark hair.
LOOK! UP IN THE SKY!
IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE! IT'S...
By Jimmy Olson, Planet Staff reporter
In an unprecedented PLANET interview, SUPERMAN swore to apprehend the gang of heinous haircutters calling themselves the "Harley Choppers."
"We're following every lead to capture this notorious gang," said Superman. "We've had great response to our requests for help from the citizens of Metropolis, and are working hard to track down the CHOPPERS."
The gang has sent DVDtapes of their crimes to the police, along with vows that they will never be caught.
Superman volunteered his services after the Police Department's Press release (carried in the PLANET on Monday) aroused his interest.
Superman's involvement couldn't come at a better time, either. Late breaking news just released from the Metropolis Police Department this morning has revealed yet another of these bizarre kidnap cases.
The latest in this series involves photographer's model Eileen Dover, occurred yesterday in broad daylight. While police are reticent to release specifics of these crimes, they did provide the PLANET with some information.
Ms. Dover was exiting the elevator of her office building in the Diego Rivera Plaza parking structure when two men approached her. One of the men asked her for the time while the other worked his way behind her, and then overpowered her. She was apparently sedated with something that is believed to be an anesthetic agent.
Police have refused to comment on rumors circulating that a discarded cotton mask was found at the scene, but the PLANET interviewed Mr. Stan Dupp, the Managing Custodian at the Diego Rivera Plaza. Dupp said "Yeah, I found this funny looking ball of cotton that smelled something terrible. Made me dizzy just to be near it!"
When asked about this cotton swab's present whereabouts, Dupp said the Police had seized it as evidence.
Ms. Dover has little recollection beyond awakening some time later and being tied into a large chair. The two male suspects and a third suspect, a woman, were present with her. Ms. Dover said she was certain the entire incident was somehow being captured on film. "I'm a model," Ms. Dover reassured me. "I know when a camera's around. I heard the woman say to one of the men, 'Come on, Rip, you need to be tighter then that to get the frame "
Ms. Dover's red hair was cut into a short boy-style very quickly and professionally. She could not be more specific as to what happened, and the Police have not returned calls made by this reporter.
Ms. Dover was once again sedated following the haircut, and returned to her car in the underground parking lot. She was discovered seated, unconscious, behind the wheel of her Mazda RX-7 by the Building Security Guard, Mr. Syd Downe. He was unavailable for comment at the time of this report.
Miss Anita Fixx, a Medical receptionist was abducted on January 2nd, and her blonde hair was cut into a short boy's haircut.
Miss Brandy Brades was abducted on January 4th, and her long braids were cut off. Then, because she was struggling with her captors, they buzzed her hair with clippers.
Miss Tiffany Jewel was abducted on January 6th, and her waist length blonde hair was cut to chin length.
Miss Candy Kane was the next woman taken on January 8th. Her waist length brown hair was cut into a chin-length bob.
Miss Eileen Dover is the latest to be snatched by the gang, her hair being cut into a short boy-cut.
While none of these women have been harmed, physically, they have been the victim of an assault that could carry with it stiff penalties. Detective-Sergeant Jim Nazium said "These three are looking at hard time when they're apprehended. Possibly 20 years in Prison for kidnapping, drugging, and these haircuts they give. There's nothing amusing about this business, despite the fact that this bunch seems to think they can outsmart us indefinitely. I'm asking the public, along with Superman, for help," Nazium pleaded. "Somebody out there knows "
While there are similarities in the way the gang operates, we now know that one of the Male suspects is known as Beard-o, and the other as Rip. The female still remains unknown.
By Lois Lane, Planet Staff Reporter
These women..who are they? How are they chosen? These questions are becoming more frequently asked as Metropolis women of all ages begin seeking answers.
The unfortunate facts, at this point, are, I'm afraid, simply unknown.
There seems to be no rhyme or reason to their selection or any criteria the gang uses to select their victims.
The women, all young and attractive, shared no physical characteristics. They all describe similar methods of being Shanghaied, pinioned, and shorn. They are all returned to their place of capture relatively unharmed, with the exception of forced haircuts.
Police are cautioning women of Metropolis to wear up-do type hairstyles, hats, and other means of disguising long hair until this crime wave has ended.
This reporter will certainly not be intimidated into such actions by these deviated persons. Not as long as Superman is on the case
SUPERHERO GETS INVOLVED IN "CHOPPER" CASE
The DVD "The Harley Choppers" is now available as DVD 57. When you get DVD 57, you'll also get DVD 58, "IVANA BUZZCUT" for FREE.
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